by Ansh Tripathi
May 05, 2022
Table of Contents
Foreword
There was a kid. This kid was a fun kid (sometimes). This kid was a kind kid (sometimes). This kid had a problem (sometimes). They didn't know about it; better said, they didn’t acknowledge it.
People said "you should get help" followed by "I'm serious," but it always entered from one ear and left the other. It was now that the kid was reflecting that they knew something was wrong. The kid had never had the feelings that they had the past few months. They didn't know what to do with every single emotion they were feeling. They didn't know how to tell anybody that something was wrong with them. So instead they compiled and wrote down all the emotions and feelings that they experienced. This was a powerful moment.
“Maybe,” they pondered. It was strange to them that they were pondering about the word “maybe.” Five letters, sounds like something everyone says, and the best answer to any level of doubt. There was nothing else to it. It just encouraged the kid’s doubt further.
"Save me" was the other loud sound in their mind. I guess that voice wasn't loud enough.
Questions
Questions
I pose
myself
often
Where am I?
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
Questions
I wish
I knew more
about
Where am I?
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
Questions
I need
the answer
to
Where am I?
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
Who am I?
What have you done?
a question that comes when
you ponder
about life
the past
the present
and the future
when you don’t have
an answer
that the question
turns into doubt
introspection
and a nightmare
in the end
it’s endless
a prompt to ask
whether you’re satisfied
satisfied with
what you have done
where does this satisfaction originate?
in general, nowhere
instead, you grow numb
numb to the pain
the pain when you
don’t have an answer
and during these thoughts
you go into the abyss
trying to find answers
a question that
succumbs you to a cycle
you can’t escape from
When things get rough…
You feel alone
You ask for support
But you’re still
alone
You try to call your parents
They’re too far
So you end up being
stuck alone
You drink water
You lie down
You want to scream that
you wish you weren’t alone
Time passes
Sometimes hours
Sometimes days
always alone
You reassure yourself
This will never happen again
But it does
again and again
alone.
Silence
It penetrates
like a bullet
It shrieks through
your ears
It’s louder
than a plane
It screams.
It’s soothing
like a singing bird
It comforts
your ears
It’s quieter
than dawn
It screams.
Emptiness
What is emptiness?
The absence of something
The presence of nothing
It’s like silence
But quieter
It’s like noise
But louder
It’s something
Nobody wants
But everybody faces
It’s nothing
I wish I could explain
But I can’t
The truth
My mom used to say
“Always tell the truth”
followed by
“Remember that always”
I used to giggle
Laugh it off
and give her a hug
I was young then
A lie wasn’t far
from the truth
Instead of saying I got a red balloon
I would say to my mom
I got a red and white balloon
Now it’s different
I lie to myself
I lie that everything is alright
When it isn’t
It stings
It hurts
It disappoints that
I’m lying to myself
A lie
You think of something
You know it’s false
You think more
You know it’s false again
Your turn is coming up to speak
How can this even happen
So you tell everyone something
They want to hear
They get reassured
You get more doubtful
Questioning
Yourself
Your mind
Your thoughts
It’s the power of
The nature of
The instinct of
Just
one
lie.